kristyisundead

I only have one day off for the next two weeks. Somehow, I'm not even really upset about it. I feel like I dont have time to do anything anymore. I want to go antique shopping sooo bad. I want to lay around all day and listen to records and clean my room out. I want to have time to lay around and do absolutley nothing at all.

I am soooooo sick. I NEED to be better soon. I cant take off any days at work!
Siiiiiiiiiigh.

Dear You,

I wanna lay in bed naked with you all day and watch the X-Files and rub cheese all over your face, becasue I love you.

Love, Kristy.

Lastnight I had a dream that I was making out with Desi Arnaz. I guess that's what you get for falling asleep during I Love Lucy. Not that I minded the dream at all. ;)

Today at work I told a patient of mine, Clara, that she reminded me of Clara Bow. (Same name, both tiny as hell, short curly hair, big brown eyes.) She told me that her mother actually named her after Clara Bow becasue her mom was really into the "Glamorous" stuff at the time. (Wich was in the 1920's). I thought it was adorable. (Someone who ACTUALLY even knows who she is in general is pretty rare.) Things like that make me love my job.

I totally have a huge crush on Beyonce. There, I said it. Hahaha.

The Sisters Of Mercy were absolutley AMAZING. If you didnt go, you missed out on a great show.

In other news, I am feeling so nostalgic tonight. Damn this weather, it does this to me everytime. However, I've also been listening to The Cure an awful lot today, so I'm sure that contributed to it a lot. Haha. I want someone to come over and cuddle with me right now.

I spent most of my night with Jesse and Dylan on top of the abandoned bowling alley on Port Malabar road. Yes, on top. The roof. We're gonna camp up there soon. It's actually very very pleasant up there. Beautiful, even.
Everything about tonight was perfect. We brought coffee and saw sooo many shooting stars. I possibly even saw a UFO.

I know I have something to believe in.

So, it's been about 3 or 4 days since I started this fast. All I've had is water and diet soda, occasionaly. Of course the first thing everyone asks "is this to lose weight?!" Goddamnit, NO! I am fasting until I can have something to believe in. Generally speaking. So whatever it is that I am meant to live for, will save me from starving to death. And if not, I'd rather die in search for something to believe in than to live for nothing at all.

However, I'm getting soooo dizzy.

WHATTTTT THE FUCK. I hate everything, I hate you, I hate life. The end.

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. :/

I feel so empty. I just want to feel close again.

Nothing feels important anymore. There's something missing in my life. Theres nothing special.

I feel like nothing is sacred to anyone except me. Nobody has any values. Too much emphasis on silly things that dont matter. I'm just so sick of it. Being in love is supposed to be the most meaningful thing in the world. It's alright though, I know what's real.

Ok, so I really think I am going crazy. Something is seriously going on and I dont have any idea what it is. Lastnight on the way home, my car stopped working on the way home, before and after I dropped off Katie. It NEVER does that. On the way home, I saw a flash of light go over my car and my car just turned off. It took me like 20 seconds to restart it, and that was the most terrifying 20 seconds of my life. The other night my brothers ran out of the room screaming, telling us that something was crawling up their wall and making weird paper crumbling noises. Like something very large. Around 4 feet tall. And a few months back, my mom was talking to who she thought was my sister, a girl who looked exactly like her, except the hair was slightly lighter. But the girl didnt talk back to her. She just stood there, looking down, with her hair around her face. My mom didnt say anything until the boys came out of their room saying they saw a girl stand in the mirror and it looked like my sister. About 30 minutes later, the sister came home from being out all day. My mom and brothers have also reported hearing loud hissing noises in the middle of the night. I havent heard any, but I do however hear loud droning noises along with a high pitched ringing noise outside of my window several times. So has my brother. It woke us both up at night. We sleep on seperate sides of the house. And it just so happens that my sleep paralysis has been getting worse again, after about two months of no sleep paralysis. Like, I've been dealing with ghosts and shit all my life, and to be honest, I dont really get bothered by them anymore. But the thing is, that I dont think theyre ghosts... Maybe something more... extraterrestrial? And I know this all sounds so silly and stuff, but I'm actually getting to the point where it makes me cry, becasue I am worried for my own mental health. I am thinking about seeing a psychiatrist soon. I think I may be schizophrenic or something. But if it was just me, why would the rest of my family be experiencing things? I dont know, I just want it to stop. I cant handle it anymore.

I love when he kisses me and leaves scars on my boobs and plays me Prince songs.

Nightttt.

"I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have."
~~ Leonardo da Vinci, artist, d. 1519 (his last words.)

This seriously blows my mind. If only he knew.


By the way, I am going to build a time machine and travel back to 1920 and marry the fuck outta Rudolph Valentino. Such a shame he died so young. I wonder what he would have achived if he lived longer.

I dont think he, or any man, could be any more perfect than he was.